Pandemonium Permeates Peter Pan Performance

 This past weekend, an acting troupe in Colorado was performing Peter Pan the musical for a middle school when tragedy struck. In a fight scene in the third act, Peter Pan accidently ran Captain Hook through with a sword – piercing his heart. It took actor Rick Page five minutes to fully emaciate in front of an auditorium of six hundred cheering middle school students.

“Captain Hook was a big fat meanie head,” said little Jimmy in an interview. “The Golden Rule sure showed him!”

It should be noted that Page did not break character while he was exiting this world, deciding instinctually that the show must go on. He did this by writhing around in pain and cursing Peter Pan in colorful ways worthy of a Pirate. “I’ll see ye in hell, but before ye get thar, I hope ye pixie-sized nutsack gets caught on that mother@*%&in’ splintery rail ye’re standin’ on, ye worthless sack ‘o… garblegarblegarblegarble ahhhhhhhh…”

The children exited the musical with exclamations of “THAT WAS AWESOME,” and “WHY DIDN’T THAT HAPPEN IN THE MOVIE.”

“I don’t actually think it was that traumatic of an experience for the kids… merely a dramatic one.” Said teacher Will Pearson, who was promptly shot after this interview.

by Sly Stone