Physics Exam Arrested, Charged With Multiple Counts Of Rape

UT Police issued a report early Wednesday morning detailing the alleged rape of several university students by a physics exam in the Nielsen Physics Building, the latest case in an outbreak of on-campus rapes since August.  The rapes are said to have taken place in Room 102 between 9:40 and 10:55 AM on Tuesday, September 25th.  Campus police were reluctant to discuss further details until the investigation is complete, but The Tangerine managed to exclusively obtain several documents related to the case.

According to a sworn affidavit by one of the victims, who chose not to be identified, the exam presented itself to the students inside the classroom promptly at 9:40 AM.  The exam then allegedly demanded that the students perform a number of horrible tasks, which some students compared to psychological torture.  Refusal to perform these unprintable acts was said to result in even worse consequences.

“It was awful,” said one of the victims in an exclusive interview with The Tangerine, “I mean, they say you shouldn’t walk through Fort Sanders alone at night, but I never would have thought this kind of thing could have happened in broad daylight on campus soil.  After what happened, I don’t know if I’ll ever feel safe on this campus again.”

“I’ll probably transfer to Pellissippi or something,” added the victim.

 UT Police have also arrested and are also investigating the possibility of charging a second figure as an accomplice to the crimes.  A majority of the police records on file relating to the case describe a second figure that facilitated the rapes by forcing the students into the classroom at the time the rapes occurred, and holding them hostage until the exam was finished.

“They just sat there,” said another victim in a police report obtained by The Tangerine, “They just sat there watching us get assaulted against our will, almost with an expression of glee plastered all over their face.  What kind of sick fucking goddamned world are we living in?”

News of the alleged rapes has spread all over campus, and has even garnered reactions from local residents.

“I am very concerned about this development,” said Henry Skolvic, 55, “My wallet was a victim of rape shortly after enrolling my child in the University of Tennessee some twenty years ago, and it’s very disconcerting to see that this issue has yet to be resolved.”

University police are enlisting the assistance of the Knoxville Police Department in the ongoing investigation.  Some students, however, seem skeptical of the efforts by university police in pursuing this case.

“Man, they ain’t gonna catch that exam,” said TJ Heffern, sophomore in economics.  “Hell, I raped some bitch in South Carrick jus’ the other night, and you don’t see no police comin’ fer me.  I—wait, are you printin’ my name next to that?  Aw, fuck…”

Campus police, with the help of the SWAT team, are scheduled to stage a raid on a calculus exam next Monday.

By The Pain Train