Car Plays Chicken with Building, Loses

Following a recent trend, A man drove his car through the front of Sunspot in an uneventful game of “chicken” Wednesday before admitting defeat.

Randall Hetfield, a contractor from Seymour, admitted that he was pretty impressed at how Sunspot kept it’s cool and showed no fear in the short-lived game.

“Chicken”, a game of pride involving two vehicles hurdling at each other before one “chickens” out and doesn’t smash head first into the other vehicle, had become popular around the nation in suburban and rural areas. Participants cite a thrill rush as the main factor in playing the game, as well as inebriation and boredom.
“Man roun’d these parts I jus like to have some fun, you know man, just throw a couple of them keystones back and let Jesus take the wheel, ‘nam saying man,” Hetfield declared. “I play that game, man, just to, you know, pass the time, and show everybody how I’m such a badass.”

This is the first case of anyone playing the game with an actual building, although cases have been reported of teenagers playing the game with livestock and bales of hay, generally to rousing failure.

Julia Johnson, owner of Sunspot on the Strip, was angry, but not surprised by Hetfield’s attempted show of pride.

“Yeah, I’ve heard of this trend,” Johnson stated. “I understand getting bored and driving your car towards things at high speeds, but we didn’t really have any choice but to hold strong. I probably would have dived out of the way last second if I could but, you know, this is a building.”

The game of “chicken” was popularized in the streets of Miami in the late 80’s at a time when the average civilian enjoyed crack cocaine for a light lunch and cops were preoccupied with things like their looks and sex life to worry about the law.

The game slowly migrated through the south, finding a new life in the incest infested rural towns littered through out Alabama, Mississippi, Tennessee, and others. With this new idiotic mountain dew hyped youth fueling the game, the craze has spread, and the stakes have been heightened.

Troy Blueburn, a mechanic from Cocke County, recently released an official statement declaring that he will be outdoing Hetfield in the near future by playing “chicken” with a cruise ship. No further information was supplied.

Despite the damage, Sunspot plans to use the giant gaping hole formerly called the front door to form a late night drive through service to cater to drunks stumbling out of RTs in the wee hours of the morning.

by Boolean Kapur