Build-a-Bear Abomination

A slew of parents were horrified when they learned their dearest children were not actually getting paid to make their own Teddy Bears at the popular Build-a-Bear workshop. The company has made millions from children making their own toys, and the population has finally taken notice.

“I stood in line with Johnny for two hours to fill fluff into a fuzzy sack, and my check never came in the mail. That’s when I started to think that they weren’t actually planning on paying me at all.”

Lawsuits are flying left and right at the crooked toy store and soon the company will rightfully pay back its customers/workers from years of free labor. When asked about the Teddy Bear scandal, CEO Frank Hopkins replied, “We thought children would enjoy making the toys they would soon love.”

When this statement was leaked to the public, outrage ensued.

“Of course I hate standing in line for two hours for a crappy stuffed animal. I had to get my kid a pretzel just to get her to shut up,” exclaimed an angry picketing mother in front of a mall entrance. “Besides, that thing was like, forty dollars! I don’t work, but if I did, I certainly wouldn’t pay to do it!”

After such a harsh backlash against the company’s previous statement, the PR director Fred Donk has tried to steer the company’s look to a new direction.

“I’m terribly sorry the business model for Build-A-Bear has upset our customers. We simply wanted to give kids an interactive experience making a quality toy that would last for years.”

Fred Donk’s statement created more backlash than the first statement from the embattled CEO. Their stock has plummeted and it seems that soon the company will face bankruptcy.

An angry mother cornered in a Target parking lot exclaimed, “Oh please, a stuffed animal will most likely get barfed on within the first year. If I wanted to spend money on my kid, I’d just go for a Beanie Baby. At least those things double as dog toys!”

Next month will mark the first hearings for the toy company, and will most likely bring about their death sentence. The company’s nosedive has made tensions run high atop the corporate ladder. The CEO has made his final remarks on the matter before his court date.

“Whatever. We had a good run. I guess it’s about time we move our sweat shops to China and call it a day.”

by Doc Brown