The 50-60 year old widowed and divorced women demographic, known by many as the cougar, has embraced the idea as a great past time and a fun and interesting way to reel in their “prey”, the inebriated college fraternity brother.
Nothing gets me going like sticking a rubber tube deep into my intestines, crouching fetal position on my back, and indulging in a lovely Château de Brown,” said Pi Kappa Alpha member John Yaust. “Nothing like it bro."
Buttwinetasting has become so popular that even classic wineries in Martha’s Vineyard and Nappa Valley have begun to offer deluxe buttwine tasting weekends, offering lavish and exotic wine tours, all straight from the anus. Some vineyards are offering buttdecanting classes, informing their drinkers how to best enjoy the finest buttwines. Others are offering a “romantic” alternative with buttwine spouts on tap in room, and a split hose for a wild and erotic night of ingesting wine straight from your butt-hole.
The new alcoholic indulgance has, however, garnered some criticism from various groups across the country.
The famous non-profit “One Million Moms” posted a 20-page tirade on their website Friday morning declaring, “Alcohol is a sin from the liberal devil and it is NEVER meant to be consumed through such a sacred orifice as the anus. The bible says that only water and the occasional smoothie are allowed to be consumed anally. It specifically mentions that anyone slurping Bud lights out their bums are going STRAIGHT TO HELL.”
The fraternity’s acceptance of their proud culture and step out of the “buttchugging” closet has raised morale for the community who has suffered from rampant hatred in recent years.
Junior Pi Kappa Alpha brother Adam Green recalled the days of old.
“For the longest time, I remember us buttchugging in the bathroom because it was the only room in the house with no windows, and you better believe we couldn’t use rubber tubing. Too suspicious. Back in the early years, we could only take the spare P.V.C. pipes from the construction zones around campus. Now, that, was an enema.”
Green went on later to say, “I cherish the day that me and my brothers can kick back and enjoy a nice “buttguzzle” at our tail gates for the whole world to see. We’re a proud people, and we want everyone to know about what we stick in our anus’. Bro”
Buttwine tasting parties have become such a fad that NBC’s The Today Show will be broadcasting live from the University of Tennessee campus Monday morning with features on the consumption techniques early origins here in the Pike house.
Later in the day Kathie Lee and Hota, the show’s alcoholic time wasting duo, will host their own Buttwine tasting on the top of the Hill on Ayres Hall south yard. Rumors have begun to circulate that Chancellor Jimmy Cheek and Coach Dooley, fresh off a sure beat down of SEC East rivals Georgia, will join the crew for the broadcast.
By Boolean Kapur
No comments:
Post a Comment