Secret Society Not as Secret After You Read This Article

    Do you know about the secret organizations that lie within the UT system?  Inside this fine establishment lurks a mysterious organization, one that dates back to the times of gardens and naked people.  A trusted source whom shall remain unnamed, Derek Dooley, has leaked precious secrets surrounding this alleged group.

    According to our unnamed source, this society’s name is so long, complicated, and convoluted that they now are to be simply referred to as the “Ro’Bed Society.”  Though none of what they have accomplished can be confirmed, it is speculated that they are responsible for starting the tradition of the football players running through the power T.  It is also rumored that they built Neyland Stadium with their bare hands, utilizing many illegal Mexicans as well (most of which passed away due to abhorrent working conditions and sheer exhaustion).

    Most recently, they can be accredited with adding curvy couches to the Commons, putting spinny desks in HSS, and, most important, forming Sorority Village to look like a large, big, black, crooked penis.   Rumor has it that the Ro’Bed Society will reshape Fraternity Park to look like a giant ass. 

    Though they act as righteous, secretive Good Samaritans, they still face much adversity.  One Saturday night, some key members, who shall be known as Orange Julius, Chocolate Drop, and Dark Sniper, encountered resistance from UT’s finest.  An innocent game of robed football in the Fort resulted in members of the Ro’Bed society being fired upon by those meant to protect and serve.  A witness named Meeja reported, “The police kept trying to plant a gun on Chocolate Drop. I never thought I would witness brutality of that kind.  They tried to take them in for indecent exposure just for playing football in their robes.”  All three members are, indeed, recovering from such a traumatic experience.

    Trouble doesn’t end there for the group, though.  Last night, an official challenge was issued from the university’s other secret society, the Scarabbean Society.  Their leader, Adam Roddy, the current SGA President, formally stated, “I would like to invite this alleged Ro’Bed Society to a joust on Shield-Watkins Field.”  Since the Scarabs will be coached by Derek Dooley, the Ro’Bed Society has decided to accept their challenge.  Just in case there is an upset and Dooley can pull a win out of his ass, Chocolate Drop, who is a minority, has alerted the Vice Chancellor of Civility and Diversity that a hate crime is about to occur.  The Ro’Bed Society feels confident that this new administrator and the Center for Leadership and Service will fight on their side.

    No matter the outcome, the Ro’Bed society will always stand for secrecy, inappropriate jokes, and, of course, the right to wear our robes whenever we damn well please!

by Chocolate Thunder