Many Call for Firing After Bad Season

        Rumors are flying around Knoxville that the University of Tennessee is looking into replacing one of its new hires.

       Faced with recent disappointing numbers and a lackluster performance, particularly for this year, the boosters have looked into replacing Jimmy Cheek as chancellor.

       “I know he has only been here about four years, but he was hired promising us results as a Top-25 school, and it just isn’t happening,” an anonymous academic booster said.

       Many students have also recently expressed their concerns about Cheek at his position.

       “The latest numbers from the American Academic Board have us slipping, fast. At the beginning of the year, we were all anyone was talking about! Everyone had high hopes that this was our year to rise up, and now look at us. Vegas had us picked to do well this year,” Rebecca Cumplimos, junior in Senegalese furniture manufacturing, said.

        After being ranked for the first time in five years, UT quickly slipped from the weekly rankings conducted by the USA today on top schools.

       “He was hired with the understanding that he would bring our lackluster academic program back from the dumps and make us champions again. I know it takes time to build a strong program from almost nothing, but come on; it’s been four years! We had a shot this year and we blew it. Something around here has to change,” said a second academic booster who declined to be named, citing still ongoing negotiations.

     “LEAVE MY BABY ALONE. HE IS DOING THE BEST HE CAN.” Said Cheek’s mother in a call to a local radio station. “None of you grumps have any idea what my baby is going through. It is so hard to run a university these days… give me one university chancellor who knows what the heck diversity even means, and I won’t have to show you whose boss!”

     The Diversity Chancellor, is a top pick, and is Cheek’s last hope to possibly salvage his career. “Hopefully, our newest recruit will be able to pull in more academically oriented students from areas like Memphis, Atlanta, South Chicago, and other areas that are prone to academic hardships.” the chancellor then submitted, “And I wouldn’t mind if they brought along some of their athletic friends as well.”

       Just this week, rumors were flying on the Internet that UT was in negotiations with Joe Grierden, former Chancellor of the University of Tampa Bay, who led his 2002-2003 school to victory in Academic League Bowl. Grierden has been an announcer for the Scripps National Spelling Bee for the last three years.

 By Archibald Krakenbarger