The aftermath of this earthquake - this ground splitting, life altering earthquake - has prompted a visit from none other than President Obama himself. The president said he will “haul ass to Knoxville” as soon as it will be politically acceptable for him to leave the northeast. “With all honesty,” said our commander-in-chief during an interview with Anderson Cooper, “I welcome a change of location. Yes, I know it’s Tennessee. But I’m getting a little tired of giving hugs and kisses to hurricane victims. A nice earthquake might do the trick.” Obama is currently working on a speech for the Knoxville earthquake survivors. Titled ‘picking up the pieces: hope and change for a Tennessee without Dooley’ will surely console the hearts and strengthen the morale of these humble folks. When Misfortune decides to be a bitch, it doesn’t just give you one hit at a time but a million. Survivor Katie Pobst, a freshman, shared her devastating story to the Tangerine in an effort to spread awareness. “I was already having a bad day! My hair went flat. And then I felt my chair shake. And then I went to the game and we got creamed!” Pobst and her sorority sisters have recently created a facebook page as a means to connect other victims and offer support. Survivor John Donahue likewise is doing what he can for the cause such as giving inspirational Bible passages and trying different methods of fundraising. He tweeted “money, cheez-its, tubes, funnels, etc.. much needed and appreciated.”
One may ask the question, ‘Why, Oh God, why us?’ If you suspected from the moment you felt your bed rattle that this was no freak accident, no simple ‘some geographic plates were moving’ crackpot theory, you would be correct! As it happens, December 21, 2012 is coming upon us. In a month’s time you will be having Armageddon knocking or your door and this earthquake was just a littler taster, a little pre-game, for what is to come…
by Frau Blucher
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