Meteorite hits UTK

    Students at the University of Tennessee - Knoxville have recently experienced a strange phenomenon that has made worldwide news. Several extraterrestrial meteorites plummeted to the Earth and hit the area between the University Center and Massey Hall. The area is, for now, closed off to student and public view by iron gates surrounding the vicinity. Most students and faculty of university are ignorant of the cause of this, and when asked about its purpose, senior Shelly McCannon responded that she “figured it was construction work, just like everywhere else on campus”. However, Chancellor Jimmy Cheek has told newspaper reporters the truth, telling us to “pinky promise” that we wouldn’t tell anyone.

    “It was on Monday when I saw the meteorites fall. I saw them land and decided to brave the outside world to see what it was. At about four in the morning, I ventured out, assuming most students would be in bed or too drunk to notice me. What I found was three chunks of rock just sitting by the UC, words in different languages all over them.” His eyes grew wide and he frantically waved his hands around his face. “IT WAS CRAZY! The aliens are trying to tell me something. I just know it!”

    After all the reporters left Cheek, breaking their pinky-promises, they hurriedly scrambled to the site of the supposed impact. Once there, reporters jumped the fence in attempt to see these meteorites first-hand (expecting them to be giant frozen balls of space poop). Much to their surprise, however, no such artifacts were found.

    Tangerine reporters turned to the people walking beside the fence, who were paying no heed to its presence. After stopping a few of them and asking if they knew anything about a meteorite hitting campus, all replied no, except one homeless man who wanted money.

    Interestingly enough, students were not shocked to hear about such an event. In fact, they seemed highly indifferent to the news. Robert Doe, a junior at UTK, even replied, “Dude, that chick from the grudge could be there and I wouldn’t even care. I just want the path to be open again so that I can get to my damn classes.”

    Researchers were eventually brought into the area to investigate, but no meteorites have been found. All that was there were a few beer bottles and a used condom. Cheek, however, still swears that there is a meteorite somewhere inside this gated facility.

    “They’re going to get me! They want my job!” He exclaimed loudly, pointing to thin air as if the creatures were standing there. “WHY DOESN’T ANYONE BELIEVE ME?!”

By Slim Shay Tee