Michael Dunker, 43 who lives with his mother off of 1-75, has spent the last few years “getting on his feet”. While looking for a steady job, Dunker spends his nights scouring liberal message boards for chances to correct spelling and display his pride in his race and genitalia.
Dunker is most recently famous for starting a petition to deport all “non-whites” to the land of their ancestors, in an effort to make America “a cleaner place”. The petition has garnered 13 of its needed 25,000 signatures to be reviewed by legislative bodies.
Sarah Hyle, a neighbor of Dunker, and vocal activist in the non profit “Punch Michael Dunker in the Face” organization, is leading a petition of her own, asking for the Mayor of Knox County to plant a firm set of punches into the face of Michael Dunker. With the help of the Internet, Hyle has garnered an impressive 7,982 signatures, with only 500 needed for local government’s consideration.
“I grew up with Michael, and from the first day I met him, I’ve hated him with a pretty strong passion. He used to kill cats around the block and put them in people’s pools.”
Recalling one of her only fond memories of the local menace, Hyle reported, “One time in middle school he got caught masturbating in the bathroom. He didn’t show up to school for two months. Two glorious months.”
When asked to be interviewed for this story, Dunker refused, citing liberal media bias, and the “brown color” of our reporter.
The Tangerine has decided to endorse punching Michael Dunker in the face.
by Boolean Kapur
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