Middle East Kicks Off Annual Game of Rocket-Tag

    In a tradition unrivaled by countries across the globe, the Middle East kicked off its annual game of rocket tag with a bang.

    This year Israel, Pakistan, Lebanon, Egypt and Saudi Arabia are the early contenders for the “parlak büyük patlama patlaması” (loosely translated to big explosion boom shiny), with Turkey and Lebanon leading the dark horse picks.

    The festivities of the yearly bout include mass grieving, street explosions, innocent loss of life, and spotty coverage on major U.S. news agencies.

    “The year is not complete without this grand tradition,” exclaimed Abdul Hiragni, a Pakistani plumber who eagerly showed off his new shoulder mount rocket launcher just for the occasion. “I can’t wait to hike up the nearby mountain top, enjoy an authentic Arabic picnic with my family and launch a high powered heat seeking missile straight in the direction of Israel. Afterwards, I’m taking the family out for ice cream.”

    Meanwhile, the country of Jordan is furious at the Middle Eastern Rocket Tag Commision’s decision to ban the country from this year’s games due to reports of improper use of funds used to purchase extra weaponry for the countries residents.

    “We are out here busting our necks, working 12 hours a day just to compete in the games,” a somber Jordanian woman testified to the committee. “It’s all we have to look forward to with our economy the way it is.”

    “How do you suggest we go home to our grandchildren, sit them on our lap, and tell them they can’t run through neighboring countries streets with assault rifles, pistols, or even knives, taking out everything in their path. I know these are cruel times, but tell me you aren’t taking this away from the children. It’s all they have to live for,” the Jordanian went on to plead.

    Despite their desperate attempts, Jordan is expected to sit out the year.

    Meanwhile, Egypt is prepping what promises to be their biggest showing in the games to date. President Mohamed Morsi Isa El-Ayyat has declared a national work week to prepare for the ruin and destruction of national monuments and historical landmarks throughout the small country.

    “We love this time of year,” the president exclaimed. “There’s just so much dust, joy, and blood in the air. And the tourists really seem to get a kick out of it.”

    The games will begin next Tuesday with the annual dictatorship revolution ball hosted in the recently cleared Libya.

by Boolean Kapur