In light of the recent meteor landing in Russia,
scientists are reporting that the meteor was quite mysteriously in fact much
larger than predicted. When leading Russian space expert Ivan Zavalov was asked
about the meteor's size he responded simply, “It’s over 9,000!!!” While
meteorologists were unable to come up any explanation for the phenomenon, Ms.
Dr. Catherine Smallz PhD., head of the “world-renowned” Anthropology Department
at the University of Tennessee, claimed that other forces were at work.
“There was no way that anyone could have predicted
that meteor, it was most obviously the result of the Mayan god, Pdidusmixpoclot, in response to the
recent increase in meteor dances done in his honor.”
Dr. C. Smallz elaborated on the lesser known “harr-lei-uhum schake” (or “The Harlem
Shake” in lay terms) in which one individual starts flamboyantly dancing, and
is soon followed by the whole rapturous congregation in order to ask Pdidusmixpoclot to rain down meteors
upon the earth. People of all ages have taken it upon themselves to participate
in “the new dancing sensation that’s sweeping the nation” by sharing
sanctimonious video-testimonies of faith over YouTube.
Dr. Smallz has been delighted by the recent
enthusiasm and interest in Mayan weather dances. “We haven’t seen anything this
exciting and popular since the 'Mayan Apocalypse of 2012' nonsense.” She goes
on to say with maddened vigor that “any Anthropologist with an actual degree can
tell you the Mayan apocalypse was always supposed to occur in December 2013!”
Ms. Catherine theorizes, “If the popularity of the “harr-lei-uhum schake” continues, then the Mayan Apocalypse of 2013
will be much worse than predicted! I’m warning you, America, the Mayans haven’t
been wrong yet!”
Francine Frassati
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