In a new survey released this week, the Associated Press
reported a new low in the overall approval of Congress. Citing continued
inaction on the sequester, a series of drastic spending cuts designed
specifically to be terrible enough to scare lawmakers towards a more rational
and less detrimental deficit reduction plan, Congress hit a new low on its
public perception. It was reported last week that the awful, prison grade
toilet paper bought by UT now has a higher approval rating than Congress.
“I hate it when I have to take a crap on campus, it feels
like I am wiping my ass with tree bark, but hey, at least it does its job.
Everyday Congress reminds me more and more of my bathroom after I gorge on
Chipotle,” junior Priscilla Christiansen, major in frat cooler design said.
The university toilet paper, which was presumably bought as
the cheapest option for over 30,000 students, and thousands of faculty to have available
each day, is universally hated by anyone who is unfortunate enough to have
nerve cells anywhere near their anus. However, the United States Congress,
which in recent years has suffered from a terrible case of douchebaggery and
childishness, and which has failed to fulfill its most basic of functions
recently, such as pass a budget, provide leadership to the country, and most
importantly, not be assholes, is now one of the most despised organizations in
the country.
“At least when I go to the bathroom in Hodges, I know what’s
going to be tearing up my bunghole. Whenever Congress convenes for another
session, you have no idea what they’ll be shoving up there next,” Ray McAvery,
professor in English said.
Archibald Krakenbarger
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