Paleolithic Monument Discovered in UT Gardens

Last Thursday, members of a crack team of French archaeologists set loose in UT Gardens uncovered the first signs of a Paleolithic monument.  The monument, which the researchers believe once played a central role in the secret rites of prehistoric Native Americans, lies in the center of the garden.

“Zee monument,” said one of the researchers, gesticulating wildly, “eez one of zee most important discoveries of zee last centuray.  Eet shows zat zee prehistoric Nateev Americans ver performeeng human sacrifices az late az zee fifteenth centuary and az far nort az zee Tennessee riveer.”

The monument, the researchers explained in between periodic fits of incoherent babble, had been the site of over 200 sacrifices and was closely linked to the culture of the prehistoric Cherokee.

“Zey vould take zeem over heer,” said another researcher, prancing about and pointing at no spot in particular, “shroo zee maze,” the researcher demonstrated, running around in a circle, “and cut zem off! Cut zem off!”

The researchers attempted to get everyone in “zee spireet of science” with a re-enactment of the pre-historic rites which likely took place at the UT Gardens monument.

The researcher chosen to play the part of human sacrifice demonstrated the fetal position which most human sacrifices are known to have chosen for their ceremonies. Meanwhile the other researchers crowded around, demonstrating the manner in which pointy rocks would be smashed against the sacrifice’s skull.

Timmy Turner