Exclusive Interview with Amplify

This past Wednesday, the Amplify campaign very graciously agreed to meet with us for an exclusive interview, wherein we talked at length about various issues important to both their campaign and the university at large.

The campaign wished to highlight proposals such as “SGA ambassadors” in which student organizations could request SGA representatives to help staff their events, and the “UTPD text-in tipline” which would allow students to discretely report nefarious goings-on without having to make a phone call.  In two separate proposals to keep the university dry, Amplify is advocating for an official “umbrella rental” service be set up on campus, and for reforms to be made to UT's alcohol policy.

Under the current system, student organizations can be held responsible for public intoxication at their events – even if the offending party was an asshole and showed up drunk on his own.  With the “Alcohol Amnesty” program that Amplify is proposing, student organizations would not be punished for reporting the inebriated walking party-foul and getting the poor, drunk sonuvabitch the help he needs.

While all these may make for fine talking points, we at The Tangerine decided to instead deliver the hard-hitting investigative reporting our readers so crave.  What follows is a transcript of our exploration of the REAL issues:

The Tangerine – Would you rather fight 100 duck-sized horses, or 1 horse-sized duck?

Lindsay Lee – Do we have to fight them all individually, or can we fight them together?

The Tangerine – You can all three take them on.

Cole Liles – In that case, I would choose 100 duck sized horses, because if it was just me, I would get overrun. But since there are three of us, we can back each other up.

Lindsay Lee – Plus, I would levy my cyborg rocket-chair abilities against the duck sized horses.

The Tangerine – What do you think about your predecessors’ policy of carrying out drone strikes on UT students?

Cole Liles - I think it’s detestable. You know, it’s just one of those things where if that’s happening it’s just a complete disregard for human life. I think in the interests of public disclosure, we should know what’s happening.

Lindsey Huff – A human life, is a human life.

Lindsay Lee – SGA should be transparent. Constituents should know what their senators are doing. 

The Tangerine – In our upcoming issue we're breaking the story of Alpha Omicron Pi's recent financial hardships due to the Eurozone crisis.  How do you plan on dealing with the failing Greek economy?

Lindsey Huff – We’re still working on it.

Cole Liles – We will probably create a student services committee to deal with it.

The Tangerine – What do you make of your opponents' negative campaigns against you?

* pause

Cole Liles – um.

Lindsay Lee – Like all of those commercials that they’ve been running on TVC?

The Tangerine – Yes! The mudslinging, the name-calling, the yellow journalism…

Cole Liles – Well, it is what it is. You know, if they want to get into the negative stuff, that’s cool. We can’t change their opinions. We plan to let our ideas speak for themselves, and hope for the best. And I will still take the other campaigns out to dinner any day.

 

By Tween Wolf and Snake Plitzkin