In
attempts to please the UTK student body, the Tangerine has decided to
investigate the origins of the Black Cultural Center (BCC) and how it gained
it’s prestigious title. After several minutes of investigation, Tangerine
researchers discovered that the BCC building was named after a sudden breakout
of the Plague. The plague, also commonly known as “The Black Death”, was one of
the world’s most devastating diseases, and was responsible for the annihilation
of the majority of the European populace. Contrary to popular belief, the Black
Death did not start in China – it started right here, smack dab in of Knoxville.
And even more contrary to popular belief, the BCC is not named for the
slew of cultural events that take place there, but instead for the Black Death
bacterial cultures that were synthesized on the premises.
“The
Black Death started because o' some damn rats we shipped to Europe,” Bill
Handy, head of maintenance reports, said, “But we hafta remember, this was
what, like, three years ago? Besides, we exterminated all dem mice. Well, there
are a few runnin' around up in the ceilin', but they don't bother nobody. As
long as no one stays in the building for more than an hour then they'd be
fine.”
When
the news leaked to the students and faculty, people began questioning how the
university could possibly feel obliged to anoint something with a name that
caused so much devastation. People also question how the administration
could feel safe allowing students and teachers in the facility.
“That's just sick,” Amanda Freeman stated, “If the Black Death started there
once, then it can happen again. We are very concerned about our safety.” In
response to this the administration is installing hand sanitizer pumps, and
decontamination showers in the blue lights around campus. During the spring
semester of 2011, UT called in a decontamination team to examine the area, but
they quickly fled the area when students started a riot. When we questioned the
leader of the disturbance, he was dumbfounded.
“Decontamination
team? I thought they were futuristic KKK members! After all, they were marching
around the BCC and exclaiming how it needed to be cleansed. What were we
supposed to think?”
UT
has yet to find another company that is willing to disinfect the Black Cultural
Center. However, the administration released a statement claiming that the
building is safe and sterile. It was an event that occurred a long time ago and
“should not be considered as a threat to human health”. This is contrary to the
reports of the dead bodies of construction workers being found around the BCC.
The workers were found with large bite marks all over their deteriorating
bodies.
Nevertheless, Jimmy Cheek has supported this ruling, stating that the facility
has been safe for decades now. He claims that no one will catch the disease –
that is, as long as nobody decides to crawl into the attic.
By: Slim Shay Tee
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