The T Myth Cracked

              The University of Tennessee’s greatest campus legend involves the school public transit, known commonly as the T. Not only will the T always arrive at your destination ten seconds before you no matter what—making you regret not waiting at the bus stop—but they are also rumored to be giant magical creatures capable of dolling out free tuition to the un/lucky students who get in the way. 

                This is a common story told by freshmen, like Kent Phillips, trying to look cool to their new friends. In PCB cafeteria, Kent was telling his personal story while a naïve group of students listened: “Yeah, so I totally know this guy from Hess, whose friend from Clement has a brother, who was talking to this guy from Massey, whose roommate had a brother that saw a guy get hit by the T. ‘That guy’ totally is going to school here for free.”

                The search for someone who had a literal run in with the T was unsuccessful. Either you would find someone claiming to have been hit by the bus to all their friends only to learn that they are a liar that forgot how to do stairs and embarrassingly broke their leg, or you would find that the subject of the story does not even exist. 

                Just when all hope seemed lost, a contact known only by the alias “Deepest Throat” divulged a dark secret. According to Deepest Throat “the reason why there are no students that exist that have been hit by the T and given free tuition is because of the University’s policy of ‘Double Tap’.”

                That’s right, the drivers of the T have been taught to give no mercy. Should a student be struck by the T, then the driver must throw it into reverse and finish the job. Not only does this occur, but apparently the University goes one step further. There exists a secret police force that will clean up the mess. The secret police go about erasing every shred of proof that the student ever existed in the first place, and unlucky witnesses to a case of Double Tap are also taken care of. So make sure to look both ways and repeat these words “I didn’t see anything.”