He went on to list off the nutritional benefits of oranges and ways that the project could indirectly annihilate the problem of global warming, AIDS, and cancer, though he failed to elaborate on how. The orange is to have a diameter of up to 30 feet when fully grown. In a comment from the College of Agriculture, the fruit will weigh "a metric shit-ton" with several hundred pounds of citrus to feed Knoxville's less fortunate.
"Just as it has in the past, Knoxville will serve as the global epicenter," Jimmy Cheek said in his closing statements, "As has been with all great things--first Knoxville, then the world."
A nutritionist spoke following the Chancellor at the reveal, disqualifying most of what he had to say, informing the audience that not only was the project impossible, but that consumption of an orange of that magnitude would be difficult.
Coincidentally, he same group the project is to benefit lack the resources needed to even begin the peeling process. Afterwards, the nutritionist added that a diet of only citrus wouldn't even help the malnourished, and that there was absolutely no correlation between oranges and AIDS. "The climate isn't even conducive," he said, looking out from the podium as if begging for a reaction from the silent audience, "Well, this is your tuition money at work," he finished, sighing and exiting.
Following the reveal, Cheek immediately notified US News of the project which responded with "Jimmy, we're not still not changing UT's ranking. Please stop calling us."
Companions of Cheek have voiced concerns for the Chancellor, reporting chronic muttering of "top 25, top 25, top 25…" under his breath accompanied by a sequence of 25 eye twitches before repeating the cycle again. However, despite criticism, the University vouches to deliver on its plans. "This will put us on the map," Cheek said in follow-up statements, "You will be able to see this thing from space."
By: Jillson
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