University
of Tennessee freshman Zach Graves entered a stall in the men’s bathroom of the
Art and Architecture building this past Tuesday with high hopes. Knowing that
some of the most artistically gifted students in the state spent a large
portion of their time in this building, Graves could hardly wait to discover
how their imaginative talents would be realized via their bathroom artwork. He
opened the stall door with bated breath. Would he find murals? Mosaics? What
kind of stirring would he feel in his soul? Unfortunately for Mr. Graves, it
turns out that the bathroom graffiti in the Art building is still just penises
– "And they're not even any good," he claims.
Though
Graves concedes that perhaps his expectations were a bit unrealistic, he has
been unable to hide his disappointment over the crass subject matter. “I guess
that I just expected more from these guys,” he stated. “They all seem so deep
while they’re wearing scarves and smoking cigarettes outside of HSS, but that
bathroom is just wall to wall cock and balls. I guess the drawings are slightly
better than in other bathrooms on campus, but still they’re… really
underwhelming, you know?”
Several
chief perpetrators have been quick to defend their bathroom stall
dick-drawings. In a recent interview with art major Moonflower Herschwitz, he
emphasized that Graves needed to read further into the meaning of the
phalluses.
“What most people see in the first stall as a
drawing of a penis ejaculating onto a butt is ACTUALLY a metaphor about the
injustice of the war on drugs, obviously” he explained. “And the sharpie sketch
of a man 'watering his lawn' with his penis is actually an allegory for the
effects of colonialism in Latin America,” he continued.
When
asked about the portrait of Chancellor Jimmy Cheek in stall three, Moonflower
admitted, “That one’s actually pretty straightforward.”
By: Mo Money & The Big E.C.
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