Students Mistaking Construction for Considerable School Spirit

Construction workers on campus have been boggled by the recent disappearance of construction signs and plastic barriers around the UTK campus until the most recent Basketball Vols game, during which several students seemed to be “wearing cones on their heads like a bunch of idiots,” according to Jake Walkman. Walkman is a student who witnessed what is being classified as ‘mass confusion’ on the part of spray-tanned females with an over-appreciation for sweaty men in tight clothing, who, in turn, overly appreciate chasing balls.

“Like I mean, why else would these totally cute orange and white party hats just show up right before the game?” Ashley Sambel argued as she donned a small construction cone atop her head, decorated with pom-poms and pieces of scrap metal.

Another tan female refused to comment, mumbling that she had to adjust the strategic placement of heavy orange plastic sheeting barely covering her self-described “touchdown zone”.

Despite insistence from The Construction Company that the reflective headpieces are in fact used for safety precaution and needed back on the site to prevent (further) injury, these sport-appreciating females continue to be zealous in their display of support for sweaty men in tight clothing.

“I think it’s great that the administration has been decorating this ugly construction with school spirit!” Ms. Sambel squeaked at reporters. “Nothing cheers up the Big Screw like some Big Orange!”

A meeting is planned for next Wednesday to break the news that it is merely coincidence that the girls’ school colors simply happen to be the same as those used in construction sites around the world. “It’s going to be rough, but we’ve just got to lay it out to ‘em and see how they respond, I guess,” commented The Construction Company’s general manager. “We can’t afford to lose any more men to their game-day outfits. Enough of the poor guys fall off the lifts just lookin’ at those girls walkin’ to class.”

by L'ill Sebastian