It’s official. America’s favorite socialite, fashion designer, and unintentional porn star Kim Kardashian is dating pop-god Kanye West. The two were seen holding hands and kissing while on a stroll in the Big Apple in early April but for the longest time refused to tell the public they did so. As with ‘Bennifer’ and ‘Brangelina,’ experts started referring to this blossoming love as ‘Kimye.’ When confronted by the girl he dumped for the Armenian princess, West interrupted her speech by saying, “Yo, I’m really sad fo’ you, Imma let you finish, but Kim has the best butt of all time!” Kardashian, in her own way of proclaiming their love, has taken to wearing diamond gold earrings outlining the initials ‘KW’ of her hopeful future hubby. This bit of news comes as a pleasant shock to the majority of the American people and making KW earrings and necklaces would be beneficial for showing our full support to our favorite stars. Rachel Fox, a junior at UT, says, “I just bought my KW earrings. Like, we need to let them know that we love them and we support them because they mean so much to us!” When asked if he would consider wearing a t-shirt stating ‘Kimmy and Kanye Forever,’ Ben Collins responded, “Oh Hells yeah! Just because I’ve never met these people, and they seem a little selfish and conceited, and neither of them have made any impact on my life whatsoever, that doesn’t mean I don’t care! Kim, if you’re reading this, I LOVE YOU!”
Indeed, Kim Kardashian and Kanye West have done incredible things for this country. Kim designs heinous dresses and sells them for a ridiculous amount of money. Her reality TV show Keeping Up with the Kardashians gives some Americans a temporary relief from boredom, however short-lived. And, not to mention her hot sex tape leaked on the internet that provided horny teenagers and creepy old men a ‘fun night in the house.’ West produces songs such as “Swagga Like Us” and “Drunk and Hot Girls” that make his listeners want to bust their own eardrums. Just hearing Kanye speak about himself is entertaining. Sadly, however, there are those in our society who do not appreciate these celebrities and their contributions.
As with all annoying democracies, people who have lives and can actually think for themselves tend to be a hindrance. They say disgusting things like “Who cares?” and “So what, they’re just celebrities.” 52-year-old Matt Rhodes was asked to weigh in on his opinion of Kimye. His response? “Frankly, I don’t give a shit.” Don’t these people understand the importance of celebrity relationships or the impact they have on our favorite magazines? I suggest that the American people should split into two camps called the Pro-Kimye and the Anti-Kimye. We pro’s will proudly wear our earrings and shirts because we care about what’s going on in the world of celebrity sex lives, damn it! And here at this informed university, we support Kimye!
by H.E. Davis
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