From the moment it was put into place, university students and faculty have incessantly pondered the meaning of the Pedestrian Walkway sculpture as well as how much it cost to erect such an awful eye sore. We are here to put your curiosities to rest as the engineering department has released the final scoop on what they have been secretly assembling now for years, as well as a completion date.
A secret sub-department, known as Department 9, has constructed a fully functional laser that draws on 1.21 jiggawatts of power that now only has yet to have the final elements put into place to make it operational. The UTK community has responded surprisingly enthusiastically to the release of the profound information, as a hipster member of the hookah club responded saying, “Man, we could like…blow up the moon or something.”
On the estimated date of completion, December 21, 2012, Governor Haslam plans to attend the grand unveiling to publicly express his gratitude for having the laser named in honor of his family which will then be followed by a powerful speech made by Chancellor Cheek addressing the university’s unmatched dominance among the whole SEC and a remarkable display of power as the laser is to be tested on the University of Alabama.
Immediately following the armageddon a small reception with light refreshments will be held on the main level of the Haslam Business Building.
by Seymour Butts
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