Bernanke outlined a new plan intended to “get the neighbors involved in finding our lost jobs” – the cornerstone of this plan being putting up “lost job” fliers on telephone poles. “This way if someone sees a lost job alone and scared in a back alley, they’ll know who to call so we can get it home safe,” Bernanke said.
Bernanke also said that the members of the Federal Open Market Committee had “marked down” their outlooks on the economy, after all, if the jobs hadn’t come back by now, they probably have been adopted by someone else. “China, probably,” Bernanke added.
The Fed has come increasingly under fire for failure to bring back lost jobs to the American people, but Bernanke seems confident that this new strategy will be the Fed’s most successful. “Over the years we’ve tried everything. We even tried putting treats out in the yard – that just attracted wolves, not jobs,” said Bernanke, “But now we’re trying a new strategy: signs. Big signs. Colorful, eye catching signs.”
Thanks to this new policy, the Fed estimates it will add tens of thousands to the numbers of people looking for jobs in the current economy. Before the implementation of this policy, a little over 8% of the American workforce was looking for jobs. This new plan is likely to double that percentage, which the Fed considers a great success. “I think that was the problem all along,” said Bernanke, “we just needed to get more people looking for jobs.”
Despite the negative jobless outlook for the next several financial quarters, Bernanke seemed to emanate a certain determination that the jobs would still come back. “They’ll come back when they find out what’s good for them. It’s a big world out there and nobody could love those jobs more than we do. It might take them a while to realize, but they’ll be back... they will... they have to come back.”
Bernanke cut the press conference short as he began to weep.
by Tween Wolf
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