Sorority girls across the nation found
reason to rejoice this past Monday. In a press conference announcing their
long-awaited decision, the National Clothing Association has officially
declared leggings as pants. Although leggings have long been a staple fashion
accessory for dresses and skirts, some enterprising young women who were too
lazy to put on real clothes decided to start a bold new trend: wearing leggings
without anything else covering their legs. In order to preserve some semblance
of decency, most completed their outfit with an oversize t-shirt to cover their
pertinent bits. To the delight of pre-pubescent and pubescent boys, however,
soon the baggy shirts were replaced with tight t-shirts, often with Greek
letters on the frocket.
In recent years, Pedestrian Walkway
has become littered with girls wearing leggings with boots or galoshes and a
t-shirt that barely grazes their waist. These girls have been ridiculed and
judged by their more practically dressed counterparts. “Put some pants on,”
said Caroline Christian to one group of scantily clad sorority girls.
But now these
Greek sisters have been vindicated after years of ridicule. The NCA has
confirmed this week what most of the ladies at UTK already believed to be true.
Leggings are officially considered pants, and it is now a crime, punishable by
a public pantsing, to say otherwise or criticize someone who is wearing
leggings instead of jeans. The President of the UT Panhellenic board, Mary Sue
Ellen, has declared February 2nd to be National Leggings Day, to
commemorate this historic moment. Experts project a near-100% participation
rate among lady-Volunteers. Girls seen wearing Ugg boots or Nike sneakers with
their leggings will receive a complementary Victoria’s Secret gift card for helping
to set examples of fashion at its finest. Those few girls without leggings
should stop by the UC on Friday to pick up a free pair of their choice. The men
of UT are asked not to participate.
By: Anita Knapp
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