Construction Completion Date Set Back by Rain

Some of the more observant students at the University of Tennessee have noticed that it has been raining since the beginning of January in what can only be termed a downpour of biblical proportions. This rain can only mean one thing (besides getting poked in the face by an umbrella held by some douchebag who wasn’t watching where they were going last Tuesday… you jerk): the ever-present construction has been put on hold. Some of you may be asking: What does this mean for that big crater by Haslam Business Building? The new music building? That meth lab in East Stadium Hall? While those students who don’t attend class except on exam day shrug their shoulders, unaware that construction was happening in the first place, The Tangerine has been informed that because of this one-week delay, construction on campus is now ten years behind schedule.

The construction company maintains that they would have “gotten a whole bunch done,” in this one week, and can only recover from this setback by extending expected completion by ten years.
In their press conference, the construction company stated that the section of pedestrian walkway that goes through the work zone has been shifted, and asked students coming down from The Hill to be aware of this.  “Please stop trying to walk through an active construction zone without a hardhat you idiots,” said company representative Wes Browning. Hardhats will be available for purchase in the University Center bookstore, although you can’t really put a price on safety. (Actually you can, they cost $50.)

Many UT students were disappointed in the news of the delay, especially the small percentage of students actually set to graduate in four years.  Some students who were looking forward to utilizing the new state of the art student union have decided to drop all but one class per semester, “because nothing says priorities like letting a building delay your education… I really hate this school sometimes,” said John Williams, who clearly has no appreciation for campus beautification.

By Anita Knapp