Butch Jones fired for not winning a single SEC game

 

Butch Jones, former head football coach at the University of Tennessee, has been dismissed from the position for not winning a single SEC game.

Jones, who coached the team from December 7, 2012 through January 12, 2013, will leave with a perfect record, having not won or lost a single game; both the best and worst record of a UT football coach since the creation of the program.

With the firing, the rising senior class on the football team will have associated with four separate coaching staffs.

“I was contacted by Fulmer, recruited by Kiffin, coached by Dooley, and briefly introduced to Jones,” stated junior offensive tackle Marquess Omarion. “At this point, I’m just hoping I get to find out who the next coach is before he’s gone.”

As recently as last week, Jones’ coaching staff was reportedly moving into their new homes, replacing their wardrobes with new gear, and settling into their new offices, all of which now appear to be moot points.

During the break, the coaching staff was welcomed to Tennessee with a reception, hosted by athletic director Dave Hart, including keys to the city for the entire staff, and access to the exclusive coaches club on the ninth floor of the Sunsphere.

With the process of paperwork required to nullify coaching contracts and employment, the Tangerine calculates that Hart had to have prepared for the termination at least three days before the gala was held, leaving many East-Tennesseeans wondering; has the Jones era lasted too long.

Bill Darcy, native of South Knoxville and avid sports fanatic, began a petition to fire the head coach of the program two weeks before Jones was hired.

“Gotta prepare for the worst, man,” Darcy depressingly declared.

Due to a string of unfortunate head coaching issues in the football program over the last six years, the search committee in charge of finding the next head coach will be tasked with both finding UT’s new head coach and his eventual successor, a move Hart describes as investing in the program’s future.

By Boolean Kapur