UT Pride, Orange the New ‘Olive’

They are everywhere and easy to spot. Sheer orange radiance precedes their arrival.  So who are these creatures, these oompa-loompa look-alikes? These are the ladies of UT, and they are gearing up for the events that will take place later on this month.

Fusions Tanning Salon is a hot spot this season for UT students. Located on Melrose Place, the establishment is strategically placed to draw in naïve Massey-landers and library-goers. Fusions offers many ways for achieving that special look for their customers. Jessica Mills, sophomore, says, “Of course, Fusions offers tanning beds. But I think puke tones match my eyes, so I go with spray tans.” One may ask why the trend now is to get an orange-ish tint to your skin and eschew the olive tones of old. There are two main reasons.

On Saturday, Alabama will be at Neyland and it is vital that students show their school pride. Our football team may suck, but our student section can still be orange as hell. By getting those spray-ons that turn your skin orange, those Roll Tide bastards will know just where our loyalty stands! Male students would do well to follow their counterpart’s example, along with wearing orange body suits and dying mustaches on gameday (girls with mustaches are strongly discouraged from following suit). School spirit must be shown at all times.

So, the girls got their tans, wore their orange dresses, and succeeded at resembling large, orange turds on game day. Is there still are point?

You are walking down Pedestrian. You see an orange girl, and all of a sudden you can’t stop thinking about snickers and lollipops and you don’t know why. Has this happened to you? In keeping with tradition, students are successfully tanning orange to look more festive and pumpkin-like. Who doesn’t like seeing orange when Halloween is just two weeks away? We all have fond memories of Jack-o-lanterns past, and the mixture of thoughts about pumpkins and oompa-loompas can only lead to the thought of candy!
Elle Woods is wrong. Orange is the new pink (or rather olive). So don’t be afraid to go orange. Get out there and show your love for UT and Halloween!

by Frau Blucher