Extreme Parkour Geocaching

The day has come when two fads have come together to make a brand new baby-fad. Parkour (stunts performed by teenagers attempting to be as “hip” as video game characters from Assassin’s Creed) and Geocaching (treasure hunts done by retired old people with nothing to do) have become new ways of passing time among the UTK student body and indeed across the country, and their hybrid bastard offspring promises to take the world by storm.

The object of this new practice is to place a piece of paper (preferably in a small, camouflaged tube) on top of a building, inside some elevated area, or hidden inside some object that is impossible to get to unless performing a wild stunt. When the paper is grabbed, the person writes their name, the stunt they did to get it, and parkours it back to its original place for the next person.

Allen Schmidt, a “Parkour-Cache” enthusiast, has boasted finding over 300 different caches with over 1000 stunts. After being asked for a demonstration, the young man brought onlookers to the clock just outside of Humanities and Social Sciences. From there, he jumped up, straddled the clock, and then flipped to the top. After grabbing a piece of paper from out of the face of the clock, he proudly stated, “See? Nothing to it.”

Parkour caching does, however, come with its risks. Many building owners have had parkouring intruders on their properties, looking for caches. Attempts to find the next tricky cache have resulted in the widespread destruction of private property as well as the bones of many enthusiasts. Parkour-caching has even caused many deaths of younger, inexperienced parkour enthusiasts who, as Schmidt states, “haven’t properly honed their ability to leap from two-inch ledge to two-inch ledge.”

Many want this dangerous hobby banned because of its destruction on both property and humans alike. Celene White, an elderly homeowner, claimed she even saw a young man on top of her own house in search of a cache that was placed on her roof without her knowing.

“I miss the old days of Geocaching,” she said angrily, “Back in my day, caching was much more tranquil and a lot less dangerous. Only hooligans Geocache now.”