New Greek Row Not To Be Confused With Actual Neighboring Greek Community

It seems far too coincidental that the location of UT’s new Sorority Row would be directly alongside the nesting site for Knoxville’s newest Greek immigrant population. A recent and unprecedented influx of Greek people has made Knoxville home in recent months. Greek emigration has spiked due to Greece’s recent economic trouble. And as Greece’s economy has declined, it seems confusion in Knoxville has proportionally risen. A growing number of the new immigrants have taken residence only a block from UT’s new Sorority Village. The uncanny proximity has set the stage for tremendous confusion.

Emilia Gertole, a Greek Knoxville resident, recently encountered problems when a number of guests to her wedding mistakenly arrived at the University’s Alpha Chi Omega house for the occasion. The wedding guests were all too merry and reportedly holding an impressive lamb offering when met with confused stares at the entrance to the AXO House. The Alpha Chi’s, getting ready for their fall formal, were equally confused. The first of the girls was amorously grabbed by the eldest woman of the lost group, who adorned her with several kisses on the cheek before lowering her down to safety, realizing she was not, in fact, related to her. According to witnesses, the group then extensively exchanged uncomfortable stares before being turned away.

The group then proceeded to knock on every door on the street, unwittingly also knocking on doors to incomplete homes and remaining there for several minutes awaiting an answer before moving on. This confusion resulted in the group “missing out on the hummus” that was served at the celebration.

Similarly, many UT students have found the proximity of the two communities inconvenient. A pungent odor of baklava has been cited present on Sorority Row. Many have reported feeling “less Greek” alongside actual Greek neighbors. Furthermore, many visitors to the UT sorority homes have mistakenly arrived in the Greek neighborhoods only to flee after overhearing cultural step dancing from outside.
T-link traffic has spiked with distress calls from students finding themselves in the community. Accidental drop-offs are at a record high for UT.

“Sometimes we’ll just drop them off there,” an anonymous T-link operator admitted openly to reporters. “They’re usually too drunk to notice,” the driver said pausing, “And I’m usually too underpaid to care.”

The Greek people, initially thrilled with news of shared Greek heritage, are now just puzzled as to why they are not being reciprocated. “We give them rack of lamb,” a local Greek woman said shaking her fist to reporters Thursday. “Rack of lamb! And they give us nothing!”

The attitude among students seems to follow a similar pattern.

“This is America, not Greece,” a UT student asserted, pointing out the countries on a large globe in his hands multiple times to reinforce his point. “I think we all need to remember that.”

As of now, the International House refuses to comment on the issue.

by Jillson