“We’ve repeatedly asked her to just stop calling to see how we’re doing,” said Robin’s mother. “It’s annoying. She’s in college. We paid for it so we wouldn’t have to hear from her for at least 4 years. We’re keeping our fingers crossed for 5. She’s not very...how do I put this…?”
“She’s kinda dumb, honey,” chimed in Mr. Sanders.
Upon questioning, Robin admitted to pestering her parents anywhere from one to three times a month with exceedingly obnoxious calls lasting about 2 minutes. According to her, she blathers on about trivialities such as upcoming tests, emotional problems, and concern for her health.
“Honey, remember that time I got her off the phone in 55 seconds? Talk about a victory!” Mr. and Mrs. Sanders high-fived and fist bumped.
The Sanders are bothered by the infrequent contact from their daughter because it cuts into the time they have to “play WOW, drink margaritas,” and take part in other activities unsuitable for newspaper print.
The Sanders have just one small request for the student body:
“If anyone sees our daughter, please—we beg you—tell her to shut up.”
by Chester Cheetah
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